Happy Thanksgiving (I'm still not grateful fo' nofin)

SO today is thanksgiving. Whoopee. We screwed Indians out of their land, wore belt buckles on our shoes and hats. That's old news. What is new news is my new holiday. You're-WelcomeGiving. YWG Day is about reminding people around the world what you've done for them, and how they should treat you better because you've saved them. So

1. Indians: Sorry for the whole "land theft" thing, that was white people's bad. But you're welcome for Casinos

2. France: Yeah...WW2. Enough said "dicks"

3. Gossip Magazines: You're Welcome that Americans are obsessed with celebrities, because this is the only country that you could possibly make a living on that, you bottom feeders...

4. You guys: Im actually posting on a holiday when i could be with my lame ass family. You're welcome


Everything I Love About America#5: The Secret Service



They better be on Real Housewives of DC, or this shit wasn't worth it. It would be so hilarious, if it wasnt shityourpants-style scary. Well it's still hilarious.

Halloween and the silliness begins

Ok, so, Halloween is gay. And not gay in the homosexual way, but gay in the way that lame 6th graders use behind their teachers backs. It's dumb. Here's why: It is a holiday for children, that has transformed into a holiday for adults, where men dress up as one of four things, A superhero, a horror movie villian, A woman (hardy har, because men dressed as women is fucking HILARIOUS), or a disgustingly blatent sexual innuendo. Amidst all of the dickheads who are dressed in "Orgasm donor" outfits or "Good in the Sack" costumes(or my favorite...the one that is just a giant dick. Thats right big floppy phallus just going door to door for candy), you have the newly invented rule that all women should just dress as slutty versions of anything(the glass ceiling has been eliminated folks; women can be whatever they want to be, as long as its a slutty version of that thing.) In a world where adults scream on the news about their daughters promiscuity(see 2 or 3 posts ago), costume companies have begun producing more revealing costumes that said adults' daughters can go and get hardcore porn style pounded by the high school quarterback, inside of a shitty bathroom at their best pal's "cool" dad's house. Like I'm saying. Gay. I'm not trying to sit on a high horse, but, i don't know, if you're gonna be a slutty version of something, at least be an orginal slutty rendition. Be a slutty version of Sebastian Bach. Shit a slutty version of Abraham Lincoln. Trust me, Your originality will be appreciated; then you'll be the chick who "Four Score and Seven Dicks ago" gave every dude at the party a pro-abolitionist, historically inaccurate chubby.


Everything I LOVE About America#4: Drunk Cops And Halloween
Oh, this one explains itself. Gotta love them B-more Cops!

http://www.wbaltv.com/video/21434707/

I mean, sometimes when you're a cop, you need to be drunk... And you need to have your weapon with you when you're drunk...and you need to go through this haunted house and threaten to shoot a kid. These are neccessities people.


Hell at least he's not this guy

Once again...I'm Posting.

OK, so quick recap on my life, Jekyll and Hyde starts Friday...if you want to come to the show (which i would really love for you to do) I think you can buy tickets from here

http://www.aacc.edu/newsonline/2009/10/release1069.cfm

If not...fuck you :D


Ok so here's what youre probably here for

Everything I Love About America #3: Opposition to Gay Marriage


My issue: EVeryone deserves equal rights under the law.I hate that in this great nation it is actually ACCEPTABLE to persecute a group of people based on who (or who not) they choose to fuck. Proposition 8 and all bills/laws/peices of paper with bullshit on them that say that two men or two women cannot marry each other are all just as discriminatory as Pace v. Alabama. Yeah, remember that law? The one that said that white people couldnt marry black people? Yeah, in my mind (and in reality) these two laws are practically synonomous (with black and white being taken away, and gays being pasted right in that mother fucker.) I don't care what the "TRADITIONAL" definition of marriage is; Marriage used to be used to buy land from your friends, marriage also used to be a way to force your daughter into practical slavery; marriage in itself is an archaic institution, so obviously, the traditional form of an archaic term should be considered Cromagnon.

...Apparently not, if you're an idiot. Yes, I'm calling people who oppose gay marriage idiots. I know that's not the most delicate way of handling a situation in which i disagree with a person's views, but that's how i'm going to deal with it. You know what? Im going to go out on a limb. If you oppose gay marriage, you're a homo. You homo, You big fucking queer,You're a flaming queen. The pillow biting ass ravager of ignorance. Just because you can't be happy in your own 2 car, white picket fence, one dog, one cat, 2.58 kid having measley existence, doesn't mean that you have the right to impede on other people's happiness.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: The terms "Night Rider" and "GhostBuster

To Keep Going with this Whole Blog Thing.

So nothing really new is going on...but i have a new video for "Everything I Love About America."

Everything I Love About America#2:

Anne Coulter. Yo I hate this bitch. And Here's the thing, i don't really hate anybody, or call women bitches. But I HATE this bitch. I also hate the Fox Network. I think they should do a serious overhaul of their agenda, I mean, the news as a whole should (Especially because the U.S. has become a country where "legitimate news" is coverage of Michael Jackson's mother fucking funeral)but Fox is a good way to cite malicious and overly bias "news."

Enjoy:

Not how Ann Coulter doesn't deny she's a facist. That makes me happy. So So warm and happy. ...I do love Joy Behar though.

One More Goody:

And it's not because of the fact she's right wing...i have no problem with that. I live my life teetering on the Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative Line. BUT, i will not tolerate hate speech. Shit is absurd. Like seriously? As Americans we are subjected to so many lies daily, and we're so gullible, do we really need someone telling us that we should hate each other because of party affliations? People in this country get killed because of race! HELL people in this nation get killed because they like the Jets and not the Giants. We don't need people fucking with our heads anymore. I disapprove Ann Coulter, Thumbs down Cunt.


One a Happier note.

Chris Brown Beats women. BUT DAMN CAN THAT BOY SING



Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Jekyll and Hyde, Also..How Weezy will transform a good girl into a freak. I wish that was one of my abilities

Ok...so i understand i've been neglectful.

I started this blog hoping that i'd be able to keep up with it, and create posts in a timely matter. Since I screwed that pooch, good ole Uncle Tim (get it...its like uncle Tom...but with my name) is going to start over. SO recap of the past months following the awesome PLMC win and the Nightmare House Party... I don't go to UMD, anymore, at least for this semester. I'm chillin' at home doing this whole Community College thing (which is *sigh* not as bad as I thought it was going to be). But I should be back to Maryland in a half a year of by the beginning of next year. So don't lose hope faithful readers. And by faithful readers, I just mean Joe and Atif, because they are the only ones who read this. As far as acting goes, Im in a show at the good ole CC. We're doing a version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, adapted by a guy named Jeffrey Hatcher. Guess who gets to be Jekyll? Yeah, thats right, Timotheus does. The shows opening night is October 30th, and goes through the weekend and the next weekend. If you come in costume on the 31st(which is Halloween) you get an awesome by one get one free ticket deal. Come and see it, please. like PLEASE

So I think I'm gonna start a series on here so that i have to keep up with my posts. I'm gonna call it, "Reasons Why I Love America" which is an ironic title, because its actually a series of videos or pictures of things that make me angry with American Culture. So I hope you enjoy.

Reasons Why I Love America#1

Teen Pregnancies and the inability for adults to take responsibilty for the mistakes their children make.



Teach your kid to use a condom and maybe you won't have a Grandchild when you're 35

PLMC WINS...and Kid from Kid & Play is a dick

OK so this should be a good one. This past weekend rates a 10 out of possible 11 weekend points, because so much happened.

So if you don't know, this summer 90% of my time was spent performing in a show in The Capital Fringe Theatre Festival called Please Listen: A Musical Chaos written by Aaron Bliden and Mark Halpern (two guys who kick alot of ass acting and music wise). PLMC had its last two shows this past weekend, so since the distance between DC and Pasadena, MD is quite a ways, I asked if I could stay at Mark and Aaron's and the gents (And their awesome roommates) kindly obliged to deal with me for 3 days. Well the show went awesome, if you didn't get a chance to see it, that's understandable, We sold out all 5 of our shows over the past 3 weeks, sold a bunch of merchandise and had a shitload of fun doing it (Props to my fellow cast members). But the REAL highlight of the whole thing was that we were nominated for Best Musical of the Fringe...AND THEN WE FUCKING WON IT. Thats right, Please Listen: A Musical Chaos is the Best Musical of the Capital Fringe Festival 2009. After winning we proceeded to go hard, ball, and celebrate all the hard work and shit talking that we had done over the 6 week creation process.

Im so proud of all of us, and I'm amazed that I'm only like 19 and I actually had the oppurtunity to do something as awesome as this.

On a stranger note...last night I had a weird ass dream, and i want you all to know about it. I dreamed (or is it Dreamt) that I had joined the military (Thats one of my biggest fears btw...yeah its a weird one) and that my drill sergeant...was Kid, from Kid & Play...yeah the guy with the worlds biggest high top fade, and that he was attempting to ruin my life, because I was the most fun loving cadet of them all. Its just weird, I don't know how my brain came up with this dream...I don't want to know. My best guess is that Im having some kind of internal struggle and that Kid represents my fear of conformity. Either that or all the drinking I've been doing is fucking me up for permanents.

This next should be a good one. I get to see the wonderful Ali, and celebrate her birthday with her, which will probably end with either her or I lying face down in a mother fucking ditch. But im still excited, for real.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Best Musical Winners and The Fear of Christopher "Kid" Reid

A bit of Bmore...and Return Of the Zune

Alright, so yesterday was a good day for me and a nice confidence booster. The skinny: I went to go do standup with Atif and Joe. Joe Picked me up around 3:00 and we spent the rest of that kind of weird afternoon period of the day at his house. Atif came over around 4:30 and him and Joe began bickering like a married couple like they always do (Seriously, you should hear these fucking two, its like listening to my grandparents fucking fight). But after they got done bitching at each other we rolled over to Cici's pizza and got down on some food while contemplating the legitimacy of our idea for a musical, "Porno Church", and it is going to be made (I don't think any idea has been this good since the pitch meeting for the Ghostbusters movie...oh shit, maybe we should make a Ghostbusters musical).
Alright, so after the food and a little bit more arguing from Joe and Atif, we rolled over to Sidebar in Baltimore for their Open Mic Night hosted by a guy by the name of Justin Jones (this was like my first time meeting him, but he was a pretty cool guy) who's part of a trio or quartet of funny comedians called the Screwball Outlaws, check 'em out if you have some time. But the kicker of this specific Open Mic Night is *drumroll* I DID WELL. I actually didn't blow, the past couple of times ive done standup I've kinda bombed or had a dead room, but this was one of those nights that boosts you're confidence. People thought my jokes were funny, and more importantly, Joe and Atif thought my jokes were funny, which makes me feel like their fucking little brother because i look up to both those guys. Finally I got home and Atif gives me the Zune I left in his car like 3 months ago, and it just let the night end on an up note.
I don't know when ill get a chance to do some more standup, so this one is going to help keep my confidence up while im writing new jokes and fixing up old ones.

Keep posted on the blog, I'm gonna start putting clips of shit I enjoy on here.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Phineas and Ferb, watch the show and you'll see what i mean

PS. Ali needs to come home ASAP.

Start It off.

Alright, uhmmm...lets start this off. If you're reading this, you've come across the blog of Tim German, yeah it's not gonna get alot more interesting than this. So since this is my first little blog-guy...lemme tell you about myself. I'm a writer, comedian, actor, and overall jackass of the highest order. Im gonna try to keep this up with my day to day stuff...or at least week to week. so I hope you enjoy.


Since I guess everyone has a sort of signature thing on there blogs, im doing my Favorite thing of the day, or week, or whatever...and i have the perfect name for it.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Blogs