Whats On My Mind

I am on the internet. At my house. I am not stealing this internet, which means that I've actually gotten an internet connection in my home. I also have cable, the Santa Clause 2 is on to prove it. I am siked! I also don't have anything that to write about, except for my excite for the new Batman movie, and how the script was taken in today. I would've been cool if they would've introduced Robin into the real world fold, but people don't like RObin, apparently, so we're getting a kind of lame villian like Dr. Hugo Strange. Ooh, fun, the psychiatrist who wants to be Batman. That SOOOOO much cooler than the guy who can freeze your fucking face with an ice gun. I love the Nolan movies, but COME ON, why is everyone trying to ride the "realism" game. The real world sucks, nobody wants to watch someone's life on TV, that's why reality TV blows. I know that's a rant, but come on!

So I get to compete in a competition with about 300 other kids in this region, all competing for 1 theatre scholarship. I'm pretty sure I won't win. That's ok, though, ACTF is for the experience and networking....and boozing with other theatre kids.

I saw the Sketchup show. It was nice seeing old faces (and some new ones). The thing that I really dig, is that catching up is never too hard with these kids. So w did the whole party and catch up thing, and then I slept over at Joe "The Big Show" Welkie's, and I swear to god some girl came over and he hooked up with her while I was sleeping. I woke up at 5 am, in a drunken stupor, and SAW IT! I SAW IT WITH MY BLACKED OUT EYES!

Who wants to come and see Tron 2.0 and True Grit with me? I'm tryna get my Jeff Bridges on. I need a break from my Secret Santa group,though. I love them, but their CONSTANT facebook messages have taken over my life. When Im not on, I get texts to my phone, when I turn off my phone, a carrier pidgeon flies over my head, and drops the messages too me. It's like they're stalking me, and its RUINING MY LIFE.

Favorite SHit of The Whatever: TRON LEGACY!!!! IT LOOKS NUTS.

Game Time...life is surprisingly, not bad

I sit in the Newsroom of the AACC Campus Current, writing this long overdue update, next to my girlfriend. Yeah, A LOT happened while I was away. Lets start with the most important one.

I write for the newspaper(jk, Im going to talk about my girl). SHe's sweet. Im not going to go on and on or be mushy, cuz, come on, I'm not sentimental. We all know me to be an increasingly bitter mass of resentment and hate, with a handsome face and abs. Brianna,(my girlfriend), didn't find that sentence as funny as I did.

I did another play; I'm almost finished a play, which I'm going to submit to a theatre company to be put on, and I got another ACTF nomination,(OBVIOUSLY, I mean, I'm pretty much awesome. I should just start expecting them, and be surprised when I DON'T get a nomination. Not that THAT will ever happen.) I can't tell if Brianna finds my braggadocio sexy or irritating. I mean, I find it sexy. I guess that's all that matters.

On to more recent matters. JOE WELKIE IS 21!!!! I haven't seen that motherfucker in awhile, so I'll have to buy him a good gift. (Like a box full of shit or something...right guys? Haha, that's funny, right?)Oh, I didn't mention that I'm also losing my mind.

I'll be posting more. At least, I'll try. I always "promise" and then break said promise. SO I'LL TRY.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Facebook spiking. I've got your fucking number,
SEAN DEERE

Writing before the week is over...so I can say that I did it.

School has started; the world is back to normal. Back at the Community College for my final semester. Ive decided that when I end my run here, im going to video tape myself staring contemplatively at a classroom by myself...then walk to the door...say goodbye to the empty room...and turn off the light, like every sitcom EVER MADE IN EVER. I'm gonna be Growing Pains in this bitch.

So I saw my first episode of Jersey SHore yesterday...I'm am 2% dumber for watching an hour of that program. I don't know what happened. I saw a couple of guys who look like they get bottle service at clubs, and smell like mozarella cheese and Axe Body spray, a few girls who look like the kind of women I'm usually attracted to (sluts), and a chick that looked like Janice from the Muppet band in a brunette wig, then I forgot how to do some math. I know this isn't the most relevant of posts, but I'd never seen the show before...I guess I now know why. (Note: I am by no means an authority on television. I do not have cable, and spend most of my viewing hours watching reruns of Burn Notice or Castle on Hulu, checking my facebook, and masturbating to Midget Asian Pornography, all within a 15 minute cycle[Another Note: I have amazing stamina...ladies?])

I kid...or do I? I don't know what to write this time around. I got glasses. I'm probably going to drink this weekend...which means I'll probably cry this weekend, cuz god knows when im not doing homework, Drinkin' booze, or getting laid, I am crying myself to sleep...(Note:...I hardly ever do homework, drink, or get laid.)

Self-Deprecation Aside...Life's going pretty well...I'm not happy, I'm NEVER happy, But I'm content. And that's good enough for me. You guys have a good day, I've got some CHinese Little People to go jerk to.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Paula Patton: WHY am I late to this party?

Complete The Danged Fence(Not Really)

I don't talk about serious issues. EVER. I don't care for them. I just think that certain things are funny. Like the CompletetheDangedFence.com website. We're not going to make a fence around America; that's stupid. People can climb fences. I don't think the problem is that immigrants are just walking into the country; I'm pretty sure that they have tunnels, and a couple of more creative ways to get into the States. Immigrants aren't the neighbors dog, a fence isnt going to keep anyone out. Shit, if I were San Salvadorian, I'd shoot myself out of a cannon over the wall just to get here. America is dope. I don't know. I just think we're dumb, and think that everyone else is dumb. America is that cute girl in math class, who you ask questions during class, just so you can turn around and look at her cleavage. And what sweet cleavage the U.S. of A has. Steak Houses, reality TV, and Drag Racing. Such...sweet boobs.

I had a good time at Chucklestorm. I think the comics were great, and I did pretty well, too. And Ottobar has a pretty sweet stage. Like legitimately, a great room with awesome accoustics. Im in a good mood, but I'm hungry. So Bye

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Having a girl deep throat my two fingers at the Ottobar. They literally disappeared.

School Starts (Standup+Friendship+Failure=Tim German)

So first day of school starts, and all I can think of is telling jokes. How good I am at it, or how bad I perceive myself, I've been doing alot of standup lately. Here's the deal: I know I've been in everybodys face lately with it, and I'm not trying to be a douche, but I significantly enjoy this. I want to tell jokes. I want to make people laugh. I seriously think I can do it too. Maybe not big successful Comedy Central Specials, but if I work hard enough to write and work on material, I think Ive got the right stuff.

One thing that keeps my dream within reach are my two boys, Atif and Joe. These guys are better than me...SIGNIFICANTLY. They're great writers, great performers, and they don't need a persona, when they're on stage, they're Atif and Joe. They've been cool enough to fucking write and write and write with me, and all we do is write, but when it comes to the grind, that's what stand-up is; lots of fucking writing, with memorization and set work in between.

So we go to NY to do stand-up, I don't want to name drop but (IT WAS AT THE GOTHAM).Joe KILLS it, like literally murders the crowd, with a comedy gun....then with a real gun. Atif kills,and they weren't gonna let them on, but then the Gotham stopped being an asshole, let him on, and then He knocks it out of the park. Then they offer him more time, and he basically tells them to eat shit. I did ok. 5 out of 10 on the Tim German scale of self-deprecation. It was a good trip that ended with us being yelled at by a club owner for "FUCKING PEEING IN HIS ALLEY"

I have a show in 2 days...and im GOING to do well. Im convincing myself of that, as a sort of "say it, believe it, do it" sort of motivational bullshit hypnotism. Come see me if you'd like, Its at the Ottobar. I'd like it if you went, and you might even enjoy yourself.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: "We should 3D him on a parking meter..." -Atif Myers and "Look at how big of bitches we became when that bouncer showed up" -Joe Welkie

Nice Guy is Dead (New York, a bit of stand up, and a stripclub)

SO i went to New York, with two other people this week. That went ok, got some comics from midtown, bought some scripts, saw the Addams Family musical. That's not the important part of this story though. What happens when I get back is the real fun. So I got to do an open mic, which was baller, over at NADDS...I mean Singer's...and I did pretty well. I got to work my new stuff, which is all pretty good, it doesn't really need that much tweaking.

But the real exciting part of my return from New York is that I finally did it...I went to a strip club. And it was kinda boring, a bit uneventful, and not the nightmare that I had imagined it would be. But I needed to do something fun after...well after some stuff so I went, and I didn't die like I've always feared I would.

I think my new motto for this summer is , "Go out of your comfort zone," cuz being the naive, nice guy hasn't gotten me very far, and I really only like a few of my friends right now. So I'm gonna go be a social explorer and try to maybe loosen up and wisen down. So I'm going to just do everything I've never done...except butt stuff...never butt stuff.

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Joe Welkie: I have discovered that I hate...myself *Tim German Laughing*

Guess who JUST remembered he had a blog!

Ok so...KLANsmen (what im calling anyone who reads my blog...get it Kinda Like A Negro)I'm sorry. I've been negligent. I have ignored you and this blog. So to the two to four people who follow this...I'm sorry. It's just...I have things to do. Like...eat...and breathe...and unsuccessfully attempt to bed attractive women. So many things have taken my focus away, that KLAN has fallen in my list of priorities to somewhere between getting my eye prescription checked and searching through broadway.com for cute pics of Karen Olivo.

I promise i'll be more vigilant. So guess who's working on a play again. THIS GUY. It's a comedy. I have 23 pages written already...and by the time you read this ill probably have written somewhere around 30-35. Yeah, I'm speeding through this bitch. I'm going to try to put it on somewhere in May, or at least workshop it. You know, see how audiences react. I'll probably put a sample of the script on here in a week or so...so you guys can get a feel for it :D.

have a nice day guys

Favorite Shit of the Whatever: Being a PLaywright.

Joe Welke: Yo ask her if shes got a friend who needs a date. I'm all about Sadie Hawkins